Cables

I do magic to connect with people. To open up to them and for them to open to me.

Sometimes I find it hard to relate to them, even though I feel I have good empathy. It is one thing to understand them emotionally and another to express yourself so you can relate. Also I used to have a big problem with social rules and norms. It is because I do not get some of it, I feel that some of it is really illogical or pointless. Some of it I just was not aware.

Why do people ask 'how are you' if they do not really want to know. Now yes I do know why, it’s a greeting. A welcome. To be polite. To seem as if you do care.

It would be easier to just say hello.

I think also it is the mind set and the things people find important. I was not a very funny kid in school. I would try and kill the joke, no worse the joke was dead never to be used again.  Being in a boys' school there was a lot of sex jokes I learned how to do them and I still do them to this day as they are not too hard to make someone laugh. You have gross ones, embarrassing ones, weird or stupid. For the first example it is easy to gross someone with sex as it is universal. Think of your parents having sex and there you are, more universal that fear of spiders or the dark. Now sex jokes are not really me but making people laugh is, or grossing them out or finding their line. I made a toss up of the two.

Not that I was ever against sex jokes, Frankie Boyle jokes are my kind of jokes (as in offensive). Not the only humour I have mind, or dark, dry or just silly. The point I am making I did it to help connect with people. Like magic.

Mind sets. I was in a group project in uni and it set me back feeling I was in primary school again (school from ages 4-11) because I just could not connect with these people. I sat quiet with nothing I could add to the conversation. Not that I mind but I they were nice people and I wanted to integrate as a group.

They talked about their new babies in their families and how cute they were (I find new born babies ugly and get cute near 1 years of age. I also feel the uglier the baby is at first the cuter they will be). Now I find cats cute but I would be hard pressed to have a conversation about the ascetics of cats.

They talked about their plans for the day - going home showering and getting changed, going nando later, talking about famous people and their exposed lives.

Now I am not saying there is anything wrong with this, mind. Just what do I say about babies, or people I do not even know or how they will go to nandos. Now with nandos I could talk about where the type of food has come from and how it has changed. Why hot food is hot. How they cook the food. Not stuff they want to talk about, not how I want to spend a day listing facts a half remembered. They want to about their plans and I really do not know what to add to that.

They asked me what my plans was, to write music when I get home. The conversation never when any further. Not that I minded.

My friends would then ask what type of song, influences, how I’m making the song, merits of different instruments, how to portray the ideas I want in sound and lyrics. From there it could go anywhere. Me and my friend talk some shit sometimes don’t worry. So retard I’m not going to list here.

I made a friend and I connected with her really quick. Fasted I have ever connected with someone. It was kinda scary and kinda cool. It normally takes me time to open up. I am calling her a best friend quicker than I would call someone my friend. It is because friends can come and go (not that I want them to) but best friends are meant to say (even at other sides of the world with no contact). Even with years apart the day we do meet will be like we never have. Well that’s how I see it anyway.

With being able to only connect with a few people and as I grow being able to connect with more people and quicker in time, I just have to get used to it. It is not like I am complaining.

It can only help with my art.